It seems that much of good parenting advice – good life advice! – can be summed up as “keep an eye on the big picture.” This one’s no exception – Carol Gestwicki proposes four simple big ideas to sanity check and make sure we’re getting across, versus a never-ending list of specific, always-outdated rules. Seems smart. That said, I have heard the phrase “Please don’t eat the cat food” coming out of my mouth on more than one occasion… :)
The Big Ideas by Carol Gestwicki
Back in the 70′s there was a Broadway show and then a television sitcom titled “Please Don’t Eat the Daisies.” The lighthearted story was about the trials of family life with three young children.
The title came from an occasion when the mother was preparing her home and children to be on their best behavior for guests. She had given her kids a long list of do’s and don’ts.
Much to her shock, one of the boys got hold of the flower centerpiece and nibbled it to a collection of stems.
She moaned that hereafter, her list of behavior standards would include “Please don’t eat the daisies.”
Alas, there is just no way to make a list long enough or sufficiently complete to prepare our children for everything they will encounter in the days and years ahead of them.
If we were to keep adding to the list of prohibitions and rules as our children grow, one could imagine it being a mile long by the time they were teenagers.
Nor is it useful to engage in the style of parenting that discovers afterwards what the problems are, and then makes up rules to match.
Playing catch up with guidance can only be frustrating for children and parents alike.
Rather, it is important that parents understand that the guidance they are giving now to their young children contains the vital limits that will control their actions through life.
That is, they are teaching four basic principles, or Big Ideas, that can be applied to fit particular situations as they occur, no matter the age of the individual.
These really are the important values that should help them make important decisions as they learn to control their actions and behave appropriately.
The four Big Ideas to teach your children are:
1. Keep yourself (and others) safe. This applies to behavior on the playground or running into the street, as well as when you get your first driver’s license or are tempted into risky behaviors by teenage peers.
Parents should frequently ask the question, “Is that a safe behavior?” This helps even the youngest children learn to consider and control their actions.
2. Take care of the things around you. Even toddlers have to learn the limit of not destroying their toys or messing with the property of others.
This same principle later applies to environmental stewardship, managing family resources, and neighborhood relations.
3. Take responsibility for your actions. Even with our youngest children, they must learn that their choices are followed by results. As children learn that their behavior has consequences, they begin to modify their behavior to avoid undesirable consequences.
As a toddler, this means learning that if I make a mess, I have to clean it up, or if I hurt someone, I must make amends. Later in life, this principle means living with the consequences of choices in relationships and job situations. Same principle.
4. Treat everyone fairly, with respect. Learning that others’ feelings, needs and rights must be taken into account is an important idea that governs moral and right actions.
Helping even the youngest children understand this idea lays the foundation for all productive relationships.
Only four big ideas, but if you think about it, these are the ideas behind all our laws and codes for behavior.
Working with young children to help them understand and apply these principles in individual situations is far more positive parenting than making a “Please don’t eat the daisies” list.
Carol Gestwicki has worked with children and families in schools in the U.S. and Canada and taught in an early childhood program in Charlotte, N.C. for over 25 years. A wife, mother and grandmother, she currently works as an early childhood consultant and writes for parents and teachers. Ms. Gestwicki also wrote Positive Guidance on this site.
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1 response so far ↓
Lindsay Marshall // July 1, 2010 at 8:34 am |
Oh bummer, I thought this was going to be a funny list of things people had to tell their children not to do. Like when I had to tell my son not to pet the cat with his granola bar. :-)