I thought this was a lovely idea so am republishing it here with permission from Growing Child. Hope you enjoy it too.
The Love Bucket by Marilyn Pribus
My husband Glenn has a wonderful bit of cracker- barrel philosophy that we call, “The Theory of the Love Bucket.” It is an easy concept for children to grasp, even very young children, because it is something they can visualize.
You see, everyone has a love bucket. If you are happy and you have plenty of love to share, then your love bucket is brimming full. But when you are nervous or cross, gloomy or crotchety, it could be that your love bucket is low.
Some people can describe their love buckets without a second thought, while others have to consider for a while.
Without hesitation, my older son, Dan, describes his as tall and thin, nearly filling the space between his hips and shoulders. Nick, a year younger, pauses and thinks a moment, then announces that his love bucket is made from “a thousand hearts.”
Mine resembles that old oaken bucket that hung in the well, and I suspect that Glenn’s is a dead ringer for the cookie jar.
The basic philosophy behind the Love Bucket Theory is simply this: Never let the sun set on an empty love bucket. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth the effort.
When one of the boys is grouchy, it could be a cold coming on, but more likely it’s a leaky love bucket. (Dad is out of town on a business trip, a bad spelling test or not being invited to a birthday party can be especially hard on love buckets.) Then it’s time for a Danny Day or a Nicky Day.
Everyone concentrates on filling Dan or Nick’s love bucket. Maybe one of his chores is done for him as a surprise. Perhaps he chooses the dinner menu. He might get to select the book for bedtime reading or make a call all his own to one of his grandparents.
Usually the extra expression of the love that has been there all along will chase away the grumbles. And it works!
Reinforce undesirable behavior by rewarding it, you suggest? No, it really doesn’t. In fact, far from encouraging selfishness, I’ve found that it makes the children more understanding and much more sensitive to the moods and feelings of others.
Love bucket terminology works marvelously with children. A painfully shy child, for example, can be described in terms of a small love bucket that needs constant refilling. Perhaps the neighborhood bully’s bucket is “all bent out of shape.”
The youngster who is an outsider simply may not have learned how to let people know his bucket is only half full. And an insecure child may have a slow leak in hers.
A serious loss such as moving away from good friends (again and again) or a death in the family can knock the bottom right out of a love bucket so that it takes months to rebuild.
When a child is confused or frightened by his or her feelings at such a time, it can be infinitely comforting to hear, “I’ll help you mend your love bucket, no matter how long it takes.”
When a new baby gets too much attention, it can be reassuring to an older child to be told, “There’s still plenty of love to keep your bucket full, don’t you worry.”
If a child backs himself into a corner by being obstinate, you can work wonders if, instead of dueling verbally, you say, “I’ll bet your love bucket isn’t very full today.” (That also works with spouses.)
The beauty of my husband’s theory is its simplicity. No fancy terms like “positive personal image” or “enhanced intra-family relationship” are needed here.
When our youngest son was only three, he understood exactly what I meant when I commented, “I think Daddy’s love bucket level is low.” Or when I said, “Quit punching holes in your brother’s love bucket.” Or when I said, “My love bucket’s so full it’s splashing all over the place.”
I was really convinced, however, one day when I was not being so cheerful myself. In fact, I must admit I was being downright crabby.
Dan, who was four at the time, came over to me, put his arms around my legs, looked up at me for a moment, then said earnestly to his brother, “I think it’s time for a Mommy Day.”
Marilyn Pribus
is a mother, teacher, freelance writer, and a paraprofessional in the mental health field.
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[Used by permission of the copyright owner Growing Child, Inc. For a free sample of Growing Child timed to the monthly age of your child go to GrowingChild.com.]
